FT 

MEADE 

nternational Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies 
States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors 

PS 3503 — — — — 

.0527 

C3 No. 319 

1915 
Copy 2 

:amp keep.off ' 

A COMEDY IN T WO ACTS 


525 

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By 

HILLIARD BOOTH 

Cory RIGHT, 1915, BY SAMUEL FRENCH 
No Royalty Required for Amateur J T ’jo,duction 

ALL OTHER' RIGHTS RESERVED 


PRICE 30 CENTS 


New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 
>8-30 WEST 38th Street 


PUBLISHER 


London 

SAMUEL FRENCH. Ltd 
■26 South am ton Street 
STRAND 



Camp Keep-off 


A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS 


BY 

HILLIARD BOOTH 

n 


COPYRIGHT, 1915, BY SAMUEL FRENCH 


No Royalty Required for Amateur Production 


ALL OTHER RIGHTS RESERVED 



SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28 — 30 West 38th Street 
New York 


London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 
26 Southampton Street 
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CAMP KEEP-OFF 


CHARACTERS 


Jeffrey Harland 

Vincent Moore. 

Peter Loring 

Dubs - 

Jane Carrington 

Florette Carrington 

Alice Elliott 

Laura Barker 


A rich bachelor 

His friend 

A traveler 

A tramp 

A widow 

Her daughter 

..Florette's friend 
A country woman 


SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. Living-room of Deserted Farm-house 
in a village near New York. 

Act II. The same. 

Time: — An afternoon of the present 

3 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


NOTES ON CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Jeffrey Harland. A clean-cut, good-looking 
man of thirty-odd years ; sensitive nature. Wealthy 
but has quiet tastes. Wears a neat sack suit; and 
old trousers and flannel shirt in Act II. 

Vincent Moore. Nice-looking young fellow, 
was a icollege class-mate of Harland’s. Light- 
hearted and minded. Wears a sporty motoring 
suit. 

Peter Loring. An elderly, white-haired man, 
still youthful in spirit. A man who has got his 
education in the college of hard- work. Wears a 
clean but patched and wrinkled suit of clothes. 

Dubs. A ragged specimen of the tramp-class, 
harmless but unprepossessing. 

Jane Carrington. A middle-aged woman made 
up to look as youthful as possible. Socially ambi- 
tious. Wears a smart traveling dress and motor 
coat. Jewelry. 

Florette Carrington. A pretty girl of nine- 
teen, lively and wants a good time. Wears an at- 
tractive summer dress. Motor coat. 

Alice Elliott. A good looking girl of twenty, 
quiet and refined . Wears a plain but handsome 
tailored suit. 

Laura Barker. A middle-aged country woman. 
Pleasant face, kind nature. Wears a gingham dress. 

4 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


ACT I. 

Scene : — Living-room of a deserted farm-house. 
Door rear center from street. Door l. to other 
rooms. Fire-place r. An old chest of cabinet 
r. front. Window at l. front. An old table at 
center. A few old chairs. The articles of 
furniture are few. It is evident the room has 
not been used for years; dust and neglect are 
evident. 


DISCOVERED : — Dubs asleep on the table center; 
an old and torn coverlet pulled up about his 
chin. A moment and Dubs wakes, slides off 
the table, stretches, picks up the ragged cover- 
let, folds it carefully, takes it to the cabinet r. 
front, opens cabinet, puts the coverlet inside, 
closes cabinet and crosses towards the window, 
l. Yawns. 

Dubs. Now for me day's work. Got to beg a 
meal. Begging is real work these days; folks is too 
close-fisted. ( Looks around) Well, I’m puttin’ up 
in a swell sleepin’ joint this summer, and no-one the 
5 


6 CAMP KEEP-OFF 

wiser. That’s somethin’ to be thankful for. I’ll go 
work old Miss Barker for a piece of her blackberry 
pie. The spinsters are the easiest women to work 
for grub, believe me ! ( He opens the window l ., 

climbs out , and shuts the window after him. A key 
turns in the door rear center. The door is pushed 
open and Laura Barker enters , followed in by 
Jeffrey Harland. Harland carries a suit-case. 
He sets it down as he looks about the room) 

Laura. This here’s the house, sir! 

Harland. Camp Keep-Off! 

Laura. No, sir, it’s the old Barker place. 

Harland. The old Barker place that was ; Camp 
Keep-Off that is! I’ve bought this old house as a 
refuge, an asylum ! 

Laura. ( Startled ) An aslyum, sir? You aren’t 
going to have a house-full of daffy people, are you? 

Harland. ( Laughs ) No, nor of any other kind 
of people, Miss Barker. I mean to jcanip «out here, 
to have a place where I can be alone, get away from 
people, have solitude ! I’m tired of house-parties 
and hotels and people ! That’s why I bought this 
old house from you, Miss Barker. 

Laura. It needs fixing up a bit; it hasn’t been 
lived in for many a year. 

Harland. No, I want it just as it is ; all I ask 
of it is quiet — rest. So this was your old home. 
Miss Barker? 

Laura. (Sighs) Yes, sir. I lived here as a 
girl, and many a good time we had in the old house, 
when Peter — (stops short) 

Harland. Peter? Was Peter your brother, 
your father? 

Laura. No, no, sir ; I forgot myself. (Sighs') 
But hard times came on, my father died, and we 
had to move elsewhere. The old house has stood 
idle ever since we moved out. My father died poor. 
We believed he had money — he’d saved for years — 
but we could never find it. 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 7 

Harland. Perhaps it’s hidden about the house 
somewhere ? 

Laura. We thought that, but we searched the 
house over and over again for the money, and never 
found so much as a cent. 

Harland. So I 5 ve bought a house with hidden 
treasure ! 

Laura. ( Shakes head ) I fear there’s no trea- 
sure in the house, Mr. Harland. 

Harland. The only treasure I seek is solitude ; 
if I fail to find that, I shall be disappointed indeed. 
That’s why I’ve named this house Camp Keep-Off ! 
a gentle hint to passers-by. 

Laura. But your friends, sir? 

Harland. Thank heavens, none of my friends 
know of this investment of mine ! Fifty miles from 
New York, and buried in an old house — what 
friend of mine will be able to find me? None, 
tt^ank goodness ! 

Laura. ( Shakes head) A strange whim on 
your part, sir. ( Goes up to door) With your 
permission, sir, I’ll bring you over a blackberry pie 
I’ve just made. I* have a reputation for blackberry 

pies, sir. If you don’t object ? 

. Harland. ( Laughs ) That’s the kind of com- 
pany to which I don't object, Miss Barker. Bring 
along the pie, and thank you. 

Laura. All right, sir. I hope the roof doesn’t 
leak. An asylum! ( She shakes her head and exits 
rear , closing the door after her. PIarland laughs , 
puts his suit-case on table, opens it, and half lifts 
out old trousers and flannel-shirt) 

Harland. Now to get into some old clothes and 
be ;comfortable. (He pauses, looks around, sighs 
with content) Not a sound, not a whisper ! Alone 
at last! No girls, no music, no dancing, no friends 
to haul you here and drag you there! A week of 
this will make me sane again, it’s just the medicine I 
need. Solitude ! 


8 CAMP KEEP-OFF _ 

(A sharp knock on the door rear. Harland starts 
The door is pushed open and Vincent Moore 
looks in.) 

Moore. Hello, Jeff! ( Enters , closes door) 

Harland. Vincent Moore! 

Moore. I know you came here to get away from 
the crowd, old man, but you don’t mind seeing me, 
I know that. 

Harland. How did you know I was here at all ? 

Moore. Motoring through, stopped at the village 
garage — a renovated hen-house ! — saw your car, 
inquired how it got there, found out you had bought 
a house here, was directed to this before-the-war 
relic, and here I am. Look here, Jeffry Harland, 
I know why you’ve come to the country to sulk, 
because Alice Elliott turned you down ! 

Harland. What confounded business is it of 
yours ? 

Moore. Calm down, icalm down ; I love Florette 
Carrington. 

Harland. Talk sense! 

Moore. I am talking sense. Alice Elliott refused 
to marry you because she believed you were in love 
with Florette. 

Harland. Impossible! I never gave her any 
reason to believe so! 

Moore. No, but Mrs. Carrington has! Mrs. 
Carrington wants her daughter Florette to marry 
money . You have money. Therefore when Mrs. 
Carrington saw you were about to offer your bank 
account to Alice Elliott, she intimated to Alice that 
there was an engagement impending between you 
and Florette. Simple as two and two is four ! Alice 
believed Florette was in love with you, she believed 
you cared for Florette; she refused you as a flirt! 
She’s jealous ! 

Harland. You, I suppose, are afraid that I zvill 
marry Florette ! 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


9 


Moore. Sure I am, with Mama Carrington on 
the job. Florette is willing to marry me, but Pm 
not as rich as yoti are, so Mrs. Carrington can’t see 
it ! She wants your money for Florette. I have it — 
pretend to lose your money ; Mrs. Carrington won’t 
have any further use for you, Alice Elliott will 
accept you, and I’ll marry Florette ! 

Harland. Thank you, but I’ll trouble you not 
to interfere in my affairs. 

Moore. That’s all the thanks I get for trying to 
make you happy ! Well, I’ll leave you to your 
solitude. ( Sits down) After lunch. 

Harland. I can offer you a piece of blackberry 
pie shortly; nothing more. 

Moore. Blackberry pie will do. Go on now, 
enjoy your solitude; I’m mum, I won’t say a word— 
Say, Jeffery, Florette is the prettiest, the most 
charming girl who ever hesitated to a symphony 
orchestra ; when she’s around I’m in paradise. No 
other girl is half so graceful, so— — 

Harland. ( Interrupts ) Hang it all, if you’re 
going to talk, get out ! 

(Moore gives Harland an injured look, compresses 
his lips tightly and lopks the other way . Har- 
land takes clothes from suit-case. A knock on 
the door rear. Harland starts. The door is 
pushed open and Florette Carrington and 
Alice Elliott enter . Moore rises, happy.) 

Florette. Is the hermit in ? 

Moore. Florette, Florette! Come in, come in 
both of you ! 

Florette. Oh, isn’t this jolly! Come in, Alice! 

Alice. Perhaps Mr. Harland doesn’t want us in. 

Moore. Of course he wants you in ! 

Florette. I know you want to be alone, Jeffrey, 
but of course you don’t mind us. 

Alice. ( Down to Harland) Do you mind — 
us? 


10 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


Harland. I don’t mind — ( Lowers his voice ) — 
you. (Alice turns away. Harland speaks to 
Florette) How did you know I was here? 

Florette. We were motoring through the village 
when we saw Vincent’s car outside the village 
garage. We stopped, inquired where you were, 
Vincent, and were told you were /calling at the 
country house of Mr. Jeffrey Harland ! 

Alice. Imagine our surprise to learn you had a 
country house, Mr. Harland. 

Harland. Don’t call me Mr. Harland please. 

Alice. Very well — Jeffrey Harland, country 
gentleman ! 

Florette. Imagine our surprise at seeing what 
a barn of a place you’ve bought, Jeffrey. Mother 
wouldn’t believe this was the place. 

Moore. ( Startled ) Mrs. Carrington is with 

you ? 

Forette. Of course. There was a handsome 
house up the road; she insisted that must be your 
house, Jeffrey; she’s gone on to inquire for you 
there. This is just the place for a picnic, we ought 
to have brought a lunch. 

Moore. There’s a blackberry pie coming soon; 
stay and enjoy that. 

Florette. What fun! You don’t mind if we 
stay, do you, Jeff ? 

Moore. Of course he doesn’t mind ! 

Alice. We were told in the village that this old 
house is supposed to contain hidden treasure ! Is 
that why you bought it, Mr. Har — Jeffrey? 

Harland. It is not. The only treasure I hope 
to find here is solitude. 

Florette. There must be lots of that. Of 
|course you’ll give a house-warming with a dance. 
A little paint and carpenter’s work will make this 
room quite presentable. Mother will be glad to 
chaperon for you. 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


ii 


Alice. Please don’t send me an invitation ! Un- 
less you need extra music, and then or course I’ll 
be willing to play second fiddle! 

Harland . That is an unjust insinuation. Miss 
Elliott ! 

Alice. Don’t call me Miss Elliott ! 

Harland. Very well — Alice Elliott, heartless 
spinster. 

Alice. Spinster is worse than Miss Elliott ! 
Florette. Don’t pay any attention to him, Alice ; 

he’s a bear ! Leave Kim alone ! 

Moore. Yes, he wants to be alone; leave him 
alone ! 

(Alice joins Florette and Moore r., near fire- 
place; they chat and laugh as Harland, l., re- 
gards them with set lips.) 

Harland. ( Grimly ) Less noise, please; I can’t 
hear myself think ! 

( The three cease their chatter abruptly and look at 
Harland with indignation. Harland smiles. 
A knock on the door rear. Harland starts ; 
the others smile as the door is pushed open and 
Peter Loring enters.) 

Peter. Well, well, a party of young folks ! 
What does this mean? 

Harland. Who are you t 

Peter. A traveler. Loring’s my name, Peter 
Loring. I used to live in these parts as a boy. 
Many a good time I had in this very house. I just 
got into town, and I came to see if the Barkers still 
lived here. 

Harland. They do not. No one has lived here 
for years. I own this house. I bought it as an 
asylum — for anybody and everybody! Come in, 
come in, the blackberry pie will be here shortly ! 


12 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


Florette. Come, Vincent, let’s go look for the 
hidden treasure! ( Crosses l.) 

Moore. Yes, come on, Alice. ( Crosses l.) 

Alice. No, Pll stay here. 

Fl^ette. Warn us if you see mother coming! 
Hurry along, Vincent ! 

(Florette exits through door l., followed off by, 
Moore. Alice and Harland seat themselves 
as far apart as possible , glance at each other 
and look away quickly. Loring observes 
this.) 

Loring. You folks has quarreled, I see that. 
( They show irritation) Don’t mind an old man, 
who’s lived a life of unhappiness because he 
quarreled with the girl he loved . And what about ? 
She thought I cared for another girl — (Alice. 
starts) — and the other girl never told the truth 
about it. We were proud, high-tempered — young. 
We quarreled, I set out to make my way in the 
world — and the girl never sent for me. Only last 
year I learned the truth of the matter when I met 
a woman from this place. I come back here — ( He 
looks around) — but I guess Pve come too late. 
(Sighs) What treasure is supposed to be hidden 
here that the young couple’s looking for? 

Harland. Mr. Barker’s money — if he had any 
— was never found after his death. Some people 
think the money is hidden here in the house. 

Loring. Mr. Barker did have money ; that I 
know. I wonder! (He looks around) He might 
have stuck it up the chimney; there were loose 
bricks there. (He crosses R., kneels before fire- 
place and looks up chimney. Harland crosses l. 
to Alice) 

Harland. Alice, if you think I care for 
Florette, you’re wrong. I care for you. I always 
have. I always will. 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


13 


Alice. I think you mean to marry Florette ! 

Harland. How can you think that? 

Alice. Mrs Carrington told me she hoped you 
would settle five hundred thousand dollars on 
Florette ! 

Harland. ( Staggered ) What! 

Jane. ( From outside) Florette! Florette, 
where are you. Mr. Harland! 

Alice. ( Calls through the door l.) Florette, 
it’s your mother; join us quickly. ( She goes up to 
door rear) Stop her coming in till Florette comes 
back. ( She exits rear) This way, Mrs. Carrington. 

Harland. ( Up to door rear) Five hundred 
thousand dollars ! We’ll see about that. ( Exits 
rear) 

(Florette and Moore run in l. Loring crosses 
l., shaking his head sadly.) 

Loring. The old house! What memories! 
What memories! ( Looks off l.) The old parlor! 
( Shakes head and exits l. Florette pulls a 
package from the pocket of her motor-coat) 

Florette. Look, Vincent! ( Opens package, 
and shows rings, bracelets, chains, etc.) 

Moore. Shades of King Solomon! Where did 
you get the sparklers? 

Florette. At the village five and ten cent store ! 

Moore. What! 

Florette. Yes, as a joke on Jeffrey! I bought 
it as soon as I heard about the hidden treasure! 
We’ll hide it, Jeffrey’ll find it, and think he’s found 
the long-lost jewels! 

Moore. Fine and dandy! Good joke on Jeffrey! 
Where’ll we hide it? 

Florette. (r. front) In this cabinet!, 

Moore. The very place ! ( Opens cabinet) 


14 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


Florette. ( Takes out coverlet) I’ll put them 
under this cloth. ( Puts jewelry under coverlet 
and Moore closes the cabinet) I hope he’ll find it 
while we’re here ! 

Moore. (Nods) What a joke! 

(Jane Carrington enters rear with Jeffrey Har- 
land and Alice Elliott.) 

Jane. Florette, dear; what will Mr. Harland 
say to see you alone with Mr. Moore ! The child is 
thoughtless, Jeffrey, no more. (Looks around) So 
this is the house in which you have invested ! 
(Shows her disapproval) Of course you mean to 
renovate it, Jeffrey, re-model it into something 
modern and luxurious. ^ . ; ; 

Harland. I do not. 

Jane. No? Then what possible purpose could 
you have had in buying such a place? 

Harland. I mean to live here. 

Jane. To live here? (Looks at Harland 
sharply) Do you mean — is it possible — have you 
had financial reverses? 

Harland. (Starts) I have found it necessary 
to come here, that’s all I care to say, Mrs. Carring- 
ton. 

Jane. P>ut if you have lost your money ! 
Florette, my child, let us be going at once. 

Alice. Jeffrey has not lost his money, Mrs. 
Carrington ; he has bought this house as a whim, 
nothing more. 

(Harland starts , but can say nothing.) 

Moore. That’s the sad truth, Mrs, Carrington; 
he’s going to give a dance here and wants you to* 
chaperon the affair. 

Jane. Why, gladly, Jeffrey! Florette, tell Je- 
frey how happy you are that he has not lost his 
fortune. 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


15 


Florette. ( Runs to Harland) Oh, Jeffrey, 
you are going to give a dance, aren’t you ? Say you 
are ! 

Harland. ( Bangs suit-case shut) There’s one 
thing I am going to do, and that’s to go into the next 
room and put on my old clothes ! Have a dance, 
have a circus, have anything you like, but leave me 
out of it — please! ( He takes up suit-case and exits 
through door l., irritated) 

Jane. Jeffrey is anfioved at finding you here, 
Vinjcent. You take up too much of Florette’s time. 

Moore. I came here first ! 

Jane. Do you insinuate that my daughter pur- 
sued you here? Come, Florette! 

Florette. (Sits) I refuse to go until Fve had 
a piece of that blackberry pie ! 

- Moore. So do I ! 

(Peter Loring enters from l.) 

Jane. Where is the pie? 

Alice. Mr. Harland will get it, 1 suppose. 

Loring. Harland’s putting on a suit of old 
clothes. 

Jane. A strange thing for him to do. (To 
Alice) Are you sure he hasn’t lost his money. 

Alice. Quite sure! (Looks through window l.) 
Here he comes with the pie now ! 

Jane. (Looks through window, shudders) What 
a disreputable suit of (clothes ! 

Moore. He’s making for the window ! 

Florette. He thinks we’ve gone! Let’s give 
him a surprise! 

Moore. ^Yes. Come back where he can’t see us. 
Sh! 

Florette. Sh ! 

Loring. Sh ! 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


tt6 

(Jane, Alice, Florette, Moore and Loring go 
quietly up l., and wait , expectant, their eyes on 
the window l. front. Dubs climbs in the 
window, a blackberry pie in his hand. He steps 
inside the room, his eyes glued hungrily on the 

pie.) 

Dubs. Stolen fruit is always sweetest! Now 

for the gorge of me life! ( Starts center to table. 

Jane, Alice, Florette, Moore and Loring come 

dozvn quickly, laughing ) 

Moore. The pie, Jeffrey ! 

Florette. Give us the pie! 

Jane. What a hideous disguise! 

Alice. ( Laughs ) Oh, Jeffrey! 

Loring. You’re caught, Mr. Harland! 

(Dubs, at sight of them, jumps back against cab- 
inet, frightened. As they try to surround him, 
he dodges up r., clasping the pie, and makes 
for the door rear. Moore gets to the door first, 
and prevent Dubs’ escape.) 

Moore. No, you don’t, Jeff! 

(Florette, Loring, Jane and Alice run up r. 
after Dubs. Dubs, desperate, runs round 
table and down l.) 

Dubs. Lord help me ! 

Florette. The pie! Give us the pie! 

Moore. Don’t be stingy! 

Alice. Stop him ! 

Loring. I can’t! 

(At l. front Dubs dives through the window and 
disappers with the pie. Florette climbs out 
of the window ; Loring out through the win- 
dow after her. Moore opens the door rear, 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


17 

and runs out the door. Jane hurries up to 
door, follozved by Alice.) 

Florette. After him, after him, catch him! 
don’t let him escape! ( Through window.) 

Loring. Come back with the pie. ( Through 
windozv) 

Moore. He’s making for the woods! Hurry! 
( Exits at door rear) 

Jane. Florette, come back! Mr. Harland! 
( Exits rear, puffing) 

Alice. Jeffrey, are you mad. ( Pauses in door 
rear, looks off) 

Voices. ( Heard off-stage) The pie! the pie! 
Quick Curtain. 

ACT II. 

Scene: — The same. A moment later. 

DISCOVERED : — Alice standing in the doorzvay , 
looking off, shading her eyes with her hand. 
Jeffrey Harland enters l., dressed in old 
trousers and flannel shirt. He crosses to fire- 
place, take's out pipe, lights it, turns, sees Alice, 
starts ; then folds his arms, and puffs on pipe 
watching Alice shakes her head.) 

Alice. They’ve all disappeared in the woods. 
( Turns down. She sees Harland, stops short with 
surprise) 

Harland. I’m glad they’ve all taken to the 
woods. What moved them? 

Alice. You! 

Harland. They got it through their stupid heads 
that I didn’t want them, did they? 

Alice. No. They were chasing you — you and a 
blackberry pie. f 

Harland. ( Laughs ) Not I ! 


18 CAMP KEEP-OFF 

Alice. Who then? 

Harland. I give it up. This old house seems 
to be a popular resort ; it might have been anyone ! 
Do you mind if I give you a lecture? (Alice 
shrugs , comes down l.) Always tell the truth. 
You told Mrs. Carrington that I had not lost my 
money ! 

Alice. ( Startled ) Jeffrey! Have you lost 

your money? 

Harland. Do you suppose I would be here in 
this old house, in these old clothes if I had not lost 
my money? Am I given to whims? Do you see 
anything attractive or comfortable in these quar- 
ters? 

Alice. But you call this Camp Keep-Off. I 
thought you (came here for solitude. 

Harland. Because I try to keep' cheerful, and 
put a brave front on matters, don’t jump to the con- 
clusion that it’s all a joke. 

Alice. (Crosses to Harland) Oh, Jeffrey, I’m 
so sorry ! I had no, idea that your affairs had gone 
badly, that you were really poor. Please forgive 
me, Jeffrey. 

Harland. Alice, think of that story of Peter 
Loring’s ; he was separated from the girl he loved 
through a floolish misunderstanding. He’s lived a 
lonely life. 

Alice. (Nods) I dare say the girl has lived a 
lonely life, too. 

Harland. (Nods) All through a foolish mis- 
understanding. 

Alice. (Nods) Yes. 

Harland. Alice, I asked you to marry me when 
I was rich ; now you understand that I’m poor, and 
I can’t ask vou to marry me. 

Alice. You might — try. 

Harland. No. It wouldn’t be honorable. Could 
T ask you to live in an old house like this? Never. 

Alice. Jeffrey, you know I think this house 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


19 

could be made most attractive at a very little ex- 
pense. 

Harland. I shall keep the place as bachelor 
quarters, I suppose, for the rest of my life. 

Alice. Indeed you won’t ! (As Harland turns 
to her eagerly) Jeffrey, I’ll marry you on one con- 
dition — that Mrs. Carrington convinces me you are 
not to marry Florette! 

Harland. Please note that I haven’t asked you 
to marry me ! 

Alice. That doesn’t matter in the least. Poverty 
shan’t stand between us — if Jane Carrington 
doesn’t ! Of course you can refuse me if you want 
to. 

Harland. I want to — ( Nears her) 

Alice. What? Refuse me? 

Harland. No — kiss you! 

Alice. ( Holds up forbidding hand) That de- 
pends on Mrs. Carrington ! 

(Laura Barker enters rear, flustered.) 

;Laura. Oh, Mr. Harland, Mr. Harland, some- 
body stole my blackberry pie ! I left it on the ledge 
of the pantry window, and when I got home it was 
gone ! 

Harland. The thief, whoever he is, is being 
pursued by Mrs. Jane Carrington, Miss Carrington, 
Mr. Vincent Moore and a Mr. Loring. 

Laura. Loring ? 

(Peter Loring enters rear, breathless.) 

Peter. The young folks out-run me; they closed 
in on him, but I think he got away. (Sees Har- 
land) Why, here’s Harland now! 

Harland. (Laughs) I was not the possessor 
of the pie! 


20 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


Laura. ( Who has stared at Loring) Peter! 

Peter. Laura! ( They gaze at one another, 
amazed ) Laura Barker! 

Laura. Peter Loring in the flesh ! 

Harland ( To Alice) Let’s go and find the 
others. 

Alice. Yes. 

(Harland and Alice go up quietly ; and exit rear. 

The others pay no attention to them.) 

Peter. I never did love that Simpson girl, Laura. 

Laura. I believe it now; I was a fool not to be- 
lieve it then. 

Petre. We were both fools. There’s a saying 
that “ there’s no fool like an old fool,” Laura, but 
it aint so. There’s no fool like a young fool, and 
when you take two young fools you’ve got the most 
foolish combination there is. 

Laura. I believe you’re right, Peter. 

Peter. Ever marry, Laura? 

Laura. No. After father died we moved over 
to Aunt Nancy’s. Father left no money. 

Peter. Your father had money. 

Laura. We could never find it. Is — is your wife 
with you, Peter? 

Peter. I never married! 

Laura. {Glad) Didn’t you? 

Peter. I’ve worked and wandered all my life; 
wandered and worked. I’m not rich. There’s many 
would call me poor. Would you be a poor man’s 
wife, Laura? 

Laura. I’d be your wife, Peter Loring! 

Peter. Thank God for that! {He takes her 
hand and kisses it gently) Laura, your father had 
money, he must have had it about the house some- 
where. (r. front) Have you searched in this 
cabinet ? 

Laura. Yes, more than once. 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


21 


Petre. No harm to search the secret-drawer 
once again. ( Hand on cabinet. Dubs, sticks his 
head in the window l. Laura sees Dubs, and 
screams) 

Laura. Look ! There’s the man who stole my 
pie ! 

(Loring turns and looks as Harland is heard 
from outside.) 

Harland. There he is ! By the window ! Catch 
him ! 

Loring. We’ll head him off ! 

Laura. Hurry ! 

(Dubs withdraws his head. Loring and Laura 
hurry up as they speak, and exit rear. A 
second and Dubs dashes in through the door 
rear, frightened, breathless, the pie still clutched 
in his arms. He shuts the door after him , 
mops his brow with his sleeve, and hurries 
down l. to the window, and glances out of it.) 

Dubs. I’ve give ’em de slip ! I’ll have to put 
this pie in me safety-deposit vault till the crowd 
gets out of here! ( Takes a bite out of the pie as 
he crosses quickly r. front and opens the cabinet) 
Farewell till this evenin’, Oh pie of me heart ! 
(Lifts up coverlet and falls back in astonishment at 
sight of the jewelry. He takes it out, wide-eyed 
and dazzled) Di’monds ! Rubies! Rings! Brace- 
lets ! See ’em shine ! see ’em sparkle ! Oh Lord ! 
Oh Jimminy Crickety ! It’s a fortune, it’s a million! 
I’ll have me own automobubble, a couple of yachts, 
a private Pullman ! ( Stuffs the jewels in his 

pockets) I’ll see the world, I’ll buy up half of it, 
I’ll — I’ll — , by Heck, I’ll get a square meal! (He 
tosses the pie in the cabinet, shuts cabinet, starts 
up: Voices heard off. Dubs crosses l. front to 


22 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


window, draws back , startled ; goes to door l.) 
Have to hide in here! (Dubs exits l. Peter 
Loring climbs in the window l., as Harland, Jane > 
Alice and Laura enter at rear) 

Loring. I thought he came this way — but I 
didn’t see him! 

Harland. He’s made off with the pie, that’s cer- 
tain ! 

Jane. Where is Florette, that’s what I wish to 
know ! 

Alice. She’s with Vincent ! 

Jane. Very good, but where is Vincent? ( Turns 
to Harland) 

Harland. With Florette ! Here they are. 
(Florette and Moore enter from rear, hand in 
hand. They separate) Don’t ask me for the pie, 
please. I haven’t got it, never had it. It was a 
tramp who stole it! 

Alice. I wish you did have the pie, Jeffrey, I’m 
getting awfully hungry. 

Florette. So am I ! 

Moore. And I! 

Jane. Hunger is vulgar, otherwise I should feel 
the need of nourishment myself. 

Florette. Vincent has something to tell you 
mother. 

Moore. The fact is, Mrs. Carrington — the fact 
is — ; it is a fact, you know ! 

Jane. I am waiting! 

Moore. Don’t wait, please! I don’t mean that! 
I — (Confused) 

Jane. What do you mean? 

Harland. I think he is trying to tell you that I 
am a pauper, Mrs. Carrington; that I’m on my 
uppers, a man with empty pockets ! • 

(Jane and Moore both start. Jane turns to Alice. 

Moore and Harland speak low to one an - 

other.) 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


23 


Moore. Jeff, you’re really poor? 

Harland. No. If Mrs. Carrington believes I’m 
poor, she’ll convince Alice Pm not going to marry 
Florette ! 

Moore. Acting on my advice to pretend poverty, 
eh? 

Harland. Yes, Sh! 

Alice. (To Jane) I fear I was mistaken when 
I told you Jeffrey had bought this house for a whim, 
Mrs. Carrington; it seems he was driven to the 
purchase by necessity. 

Jane. Florette, come here to your mother ! I 
regret to hear of your loss, Mr. Harland. Of course 
Florette and I will still be glad to have you call at 
the house — once a month or so. 

Moore. Jeff, old man, it’s a shame you’re down 
and out. Let me lend you a V. ( Takes out bill) 

Harland. Thanks. (Takes the money) 

Moore. ( Indignant )& What! I mean — don’t 
mention it. • 

Florette. Now is the time to find the hidden 
treasure, Jeffrey — now, when you need the money! 

Moore. Have you looked in that cabinet? 

Loring. I told Miss Barker she ought to search 
that cabinet. I belive old man Barker’s money is 
there. 

Laura. It’s your cabinet now, Mr. Harland. 

Harland. To satisfy you all, I’ll look. (He 
opens cabinet. Florette and Moore nudge one 
another, expectant. Harland starts, lifts out the 
pie) The pie ! 

Laura. Yes — my blackberry pie! 

Alice. How did it get there? 

Florette. What became of the jewelry? 

Jane. What jewelry? 

Florette (As Moore starts to speak) Sh! 
(Low) They’ll have the laugh on us. 

Harland. (Puts pie on table) Before dispatch- 


24 CAMP KEEP-OFF 

ing this pie, Alice has somehing to tell you. Tell 

them I have accepted your offer, Alice. 

Alice. Yes. You see 

Loring. ( Starts at a thought and interrupts) 
Just a minute. (To Harland) Is your name 
Jeffrey Harland ? (Harland nods. Lorin g draws 
newspaper from his pocket ) You’re not poor, Mr. 
Harland. You’ve inherited a fortune from a second 
cousin in England. Read that! 

Jane. ( Takes paper out of Loring’s hands and 
looks at it) True! Florette, congratulate Jeffrey. 
Tell him how happy you will be to have him to tea 
to-morrow ! There’s a dance in the evening, Jeffrey. 
Florette is giving a theatre-party on Wednesday. 
Of course you’ll come. 

Alice. Of course he will. 

Jane. What were you about to tell us, Alice 
dear? 

Alice. Nothing! (To Harland) All obstacles 
are now removed ; you can be ^completely happy. I 
wish you joy. ( She goes up) 

Harland. (Angry) I never did have any use 
for that second cousin ! 

Jane. Let us cut the pie, Jeffrey, my appetite is 
excellent. 

Florette. Vincent has something to tell you, 
mother. 

Moore. Yes, I — I — let me cut the pie for you, 
do! ( Takes out pen-knife and cuts pie feverishly. 
Florette throws up her hands in despair) 

Jane. Pie, Alice? 

Alice . Thanks, no. (Stands up l., dis- 
heartened) 

Jane. Pie, Jeffrey? 

Harland. No! (Up r., folds his arms, gloomv. 
Jane, Florette and Moore, center, eat pieces of 
the pie hungrily. Loring goes r. front to cabinet) 

Loring. You haven’t looked in the secret 
drawer yet. 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 25 

Laura. ( Down r.) Was there really a secret 
drawer, Peter? 

Loring. What! you didn’t know it was there? 

Laura. Father never told us a word of it! 

Loring. I saw your father work it once. There 
was a spring behind the lock, here. ( Feels in cab- 
inet) 

Laura. ( Excited ) No, no, there can’t be any- 
thing there. 

Florette. What, a real treasure? ( Down r., 
follozved by Jane and Moore) 

Jane, it’s like a novel. 

Moore. Who ever heard of anyone eating 
blackberry pie in a novel ! 

Loring. It works stiffly. ( Arm in cabinet) 
There! The side-board drops, see? Here’s the 
drawer, and 

Laura. Money ! Bills ! Father’s fortune ! 
Oh, oh, oh! ( Sobs into apron) 

Loring. ( Lifts out drawer full of old bills, 
coins, etc.) Your father’s money — Laura; the sav- 
ings of a lifetime. 

Laura. ( Weeps happily as the others exclaim) 
It was there all the time — Father’s fortune! 

Florette. A real hidden treasure! 

Jane. It must be covered with germs! 

Harland. ( Down r., as Alice, interested, comes 
dozen l.) Good for you, Loring; I’m glad the 
money’s come to light, Miss Barker. 

Laura. But you bought the house! Have I a 
right to the money? 

Harland. Rather ! It’s yours, every cent of it. 

Moore. What are you going to do with it ? 

Laura. If — If Mr. Harland ever wants to sell 
this house back to me — ever gets tired of it 

Harland. ( Interrupts ) It’s yours right now — 
at half price! This isn’t Camp Keep-Off, it’s Camp 
Come-On ! After what’s happened here to-day, 
rest and quiet are out of the question. 


26 CAMP KEEP-OFF 

Laura. Peter — we’ll go house-keeping in the 
old house! 

Loring. Splendid ! I’ll furnish it. 

Laura. It’s already furnished — with memories ! 
( Crosses to Loring)^ 

Florette. Why, I believe they’re going to be 
married! (PIarland shakes Loring' s hand. 
Alice kisses Laura, who takes the drawer l. front 
to show her) Vincent has something to say to 
you, mother. 

Moore. No, no, Florette, I can’t! I haven’t the 
courage ! . 

Florette. You must! 

Moore. I won’t! ( Goes up r.) 

Florette. ( Indignant ) What? 

Jane. Florette, dear, you are neglecting Jeffrey. 
Come, Alice, let us leave the young people alone to- 
gether; I am sure they have something to say to 
one another. 

Harland. Mrs. Carrington, I protest! 

Alice. Don’t mind me, Jeffrey, say what you 
please to Florette! {Angry, goes up l. with Jane, 
who smiles. Laura lays the drazver on chair) 

Laura. You’ll n-n-need napkins after that 
p-p-pie. I think there’s some old towels in the 
pantry. Oh, I’m that happy! {She exits l.) 

Florette. {Center, to Harland) Jeffrey, 
dear, I’m glad you’re rich. You don’t know how 
happy I am. I’m so happy! Oh, so, so happy! 
{She puts her arms about Harland's neck. Har- 
land stands dismayed; tries to remove her arms. 
Alice clenches hands and stamps foot with anger. 
Jane smiles, well pleased. Moore grits his teeth, 
shows anger) 

Harland. I — I ; Florette, please don’t. 

Florette. Why should we be afraid to delclare 
our love before the world, Jeffrey? I have con- 
trolled myself as long as possible. I am going to 
kiss you. 


CAMP KEEP-OFF / 27 

Alice. ( Down l.) Oh! Oh! This /is too 
much ! I 

Moore. ( Dozvn r.) You are not going) to kiss 
him, I forbid it ! 

Florette. What have you to say abouf it? 

Jane. {Down) Yes, Mr. Moore, w|iat have 
you to say about it ? / 

Moore. Pm — I’m — {Wipes his brow, stutters) 

Florette. {To Harland) One beautiful kiss, 
Jeffrey, upon the lips. {She pulls the /struggling 
Harland’s face down to hers. MjO(/re springs 
forward) 

Moore. Stop ! Fm — Tm her husbc 

Jane. Her — What ? 

(Florette releases HarlanL) 

Florette. {To Moore) There, Vou did tell 
mother after all, didn’t you? I mad/ you do it. 
It’s true, Mother. We — we were chAsing the pie 
when we lost our way, met a Justice pi the Peace, 
and — and — — 

Moore. And he did the rest ! 

Harland. {Amazed, pleased) Florette? 
You’re married to Vincent? I could kiss you! 
{Starts to do so. Moore pulls ^lorette quickly 
away) 

Moore. No, you don’t! ( jAjfE rises from chair 
into which she had collapsed) /Mother, please for- 
give us. 

Jane. The tragedy of it/ after all the plans 
I had made for the welfaiV the happiness of 
Florette! {To Harland) What have you to say 
to this perfidious fellow, Vipcent Moore? 

Harland. God bless you! {Shakes Moore's 
hand) And here’s your Vj. {Gives bill) Alice! 
{Crosses to Alice) 

Alice. Florette and "Vincent love one another,. 
Mrs. Carrington. 

Jane. Love! What/is love? 

Alice. Everthing 


28 


CAMP KEEP-OFF 


Loring. Yes ! 

Moore. {In a loud whisper to Jane) The 
doctors tell me my rich Uncle Dick can’t last out 
the morth; he has made me his sole heir. 

Jane. You are right. Alice, love is everything. 
My children, I forgive you ! 

Harland. Alice, do you believe at last it’s only 
you I care for? 

Alice. I’d like you better if you weren’t rich, — 
but — ( Hesitates ) 

Harland. But — ? 

(A scream from Laura off-stage. Dubs dashes in 
from l, decorated with the rings , bracelets, 
chains, etc. Laura runs in l. after him and 
crosses to Loring as Dubs springs between 
Alice and Harland, and Harland seises 
hold of Dubs.) 

Laura. Stop him ! 

(Dubs and Harland roll to the floor in a dharp 
struggle, as the others surround him, excited. 
Dubs tears Harland’s shirt, musses his hair 
and smears Harland’s face with soot. Har- 
land gets a grip on Dubs coat; Dubs slips out 
of his coat and vaults up on the table . ) 

Moore. He has our jewels ! 

Dubs. They’re my jools ! 

Florette . They’re paste ! 

Dubs. Paste! Kully gee! {He claps his hand 
to his head and collapses on top of the table. Har- 
land rises, and faces Alice, breathless, sooty and 
disheveled) 

Harland . You’d rather I wasn’t rich, but 

Alice. {Laughs) I’ll take you as you are! 

{A general laugh as Alice takes Harland's 

hards.) 

Curtain. 


JUST PUBLISHED 

Nothing But The Truth 

A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts 
By 

James Montgomery 
Cast of Characters 

Bob Bennett 
B. M. Ralston 
Clarence Van Dusen 
Bishop Doran 
Dick Donnelly 
Gwen 

Mrs. Ralston 

Ethel 

Mable 

Sable 

Martha 

SCENES 

ACT 1. A Broker’s Office 

ACT 2. Parlor of a Country Home 

ACT 3 44 44 44 44 44 

TIME: The Present 

“ Nothing But the Truth ” is built upon the simple idea 
of its hero speaking nothing but the absolute truth for a 
stated period. He bets a friend ten thousand dollars 
that he can do it, and boldly tackles truth to win the 
money. For a very short time the task is placidly easy, 
but Truth routs out old man Trouble and then things be- 
gin to happen. Trouble doesn’t seem very large and 
aggressive when he first pokes his nose into the noble 
resolve of our hero, but he grows rapidly and soon we 
see our dealer in truth disrupting the domestic relations 
of his partner. In fact, Trouble works overtime, and 
reputations that have been unblemished are smirched. 
Situations that are absurd and complications almost 
knotted, pile up, all credited to Truth, and the result of 
the wager to foster and cherish that great virtue from 
the lips of the man who has espoused the cause of truth 
to win a wager. 

It is a novel idea and so well has it been worked out 
that an audience is kept in throes of laughter at the 
seemingly impossible task to untangle snarls into which 
our hero has involved all those he comes into contact 
with. It is a clean bright farce of well drawn characters 
and was built for laughing purposes only. 

Wiliam Collier played “Nothing But the Truth” for a 
year at the Longacre Theatre, New York, and it has been 
on tour for over two seasons. 

After three years continuous success on the profess- 
ional stage we are now offering “Nothing But the Truth” 
for amateur production. It is one of the funniest and 
brightest farces ever written, and it is admirably suited 
to amateur production. 


Price 6o Cents 










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